By GroundScore
Your friendly Black Rock City neighborhood GroundScore here, to get you ready for playa-time by giving you the scoop on how to best prepare to have the most amazing experience this year at Burning Man.
Want to have a copper dragon come by your camp and take you all out to deep playa at sunset and dance with stilt walkers?
Perhaps you might like a lemonade stand to appear outside of your camp daily and serve you up some cold ones?
How about being scooped up with your mates and escorted to a private happening to find your spirit animal?
Maybe you like pirate ships and would enjoy a gargantuan one swinging by to take you all into the night?
Wish the Rangers would pay you a visit and show your camp how to make knots?
Maybe you always wished you could all get a private tour of the BMorg radio station?
Well yes you can and so much more, and no you don’t have to be a trust fund baby, or a glorified escort, or some other sherpa abuser ruling his on-playa serfdom from behind the velvet-roped curtains.
The way to Burning Man Nirvana is … burning babies. Not an effigy, my fellow Burner, but the real thing. All these opportunities, and more, are afforded to you if you bring your kiddos. Whether you bring them to the, “Kids of Esplanade” camp, the “Black Rock Explorers” camp, or where yours truly is camping, with Butterfingers and Boneless, “Kidsville,” you will have the entire city catering to you and yours.
Where are these places? Well, they are kept hidden away from all you nutsos out there. And we are not concerned about your cocks out, or your, “Fuck Your Burn” outbursts, or your terrifying costume. But the last thing we need is for sparkle ponies to use our kids as backdrops for their Insta feeds, or corporate bros and hoes using our children as their brand ambassadors, pimping them out to the default world of rampant commodification. So yeah, unless you bring one of your own, you are excluded from this ultra VIP party.
Although these camps are currently full with a robust waiting list, who is to say that you can’t grab your nearest kid and make your own camp? Perhaps, “Camp Humano” now that the name is no longer taken. Did I mention that children ages 12 and younger are free? You don’t need to secure them a ticket. All you gotta do is register them.
Personally, I will be bringing an RV from Arizona and hitting up Yosemite and Sequoia National Forest along the way. You know, a two-fer. What kind of a GroundScore would I be if I didn’t source both of those angles in my favor? I imagine we will zoom past the geysers and the redwoods and the tired masses to hurry up and wait in line at the Gate. After all, there’s no place like Home.
Further reading: