With Black Rock City looming in our future, the Black Rock Beacon presents a weekly column that looks at life on the Playa, to whet the appetite of returning citizens and wisen up the newbies.
On the Playa there is nothing.. not a bug, not a plant, not a drop of water.
What we have plenty of is grime, dirt, dust, Playa graduals, dirt, and more dust. You will notice that the wind blows from the Southwest, the Southeast, Northeast and from the Northwest. Often it blows from all directions at once.
So you want to live there for a week? If you don't like what we have lots of, don’t bother. What we don't need is you new idiots kicking up all our precious surpluses. I am talking about our ample supply of dirt.
The speed limit in Nowhere is 5 miles per hour (about 8.5 kph) any faster than that and you will be flinging our precious commodity all up into the air. I don't care if you want to travel faster! It will do you no good because you will be sadly just going nowhere fast and that just does not make any sense at all.
One other thing about our dirt, we like it to be just dirt when you leave. No pee, no poo, no moop. Got it?
For your convenience, we have arranged out in the middle of NowHere, potties. This was one the first things we stuck out here. They are usually in a row, usually blue (some are green brown and flag colors). Feel free to use them because with all the water you seem to be consuming, you’re going to need them.
One more thing: holes. There is no mining of dirt allowed on the Playa. Any hole over 4 inches in diameter will be classified as a mining operation. We will sic not only the Nevada mining ass’s (associations) on you but also the Bureau of Land Management, The Department of Land Reclamation, the Department of Energy, and the law offices of Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger and Snake.